After last night, I could never be a politician.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
