Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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