i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
