I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
