Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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