Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize