I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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