I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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