my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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