You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
