one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
