he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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