they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
smell my finger.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
