did you get engaged???
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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