I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
