I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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