My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
