Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
