The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
