You're my little dorito
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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