I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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