dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize