there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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