I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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