Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
