Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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