I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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