I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
