Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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