I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
