Its about making memories worth repressing
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
