He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My vagina just clenched in fear
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
