the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
