You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
