peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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