Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
