we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
