anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
