ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
