He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
