I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
