I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize