dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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