I bet he comes in French.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you had me at cake vodka
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Randomize
