I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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