All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
