I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
