She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
