I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize