It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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