you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize