We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
