"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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