You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
