Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
