so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
