Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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