I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
