My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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