ya dads aren't the best wingmen
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
