My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
