1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
