Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
