you guys were way drunker than both of me
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
