Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
