maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
