i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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