i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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