Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
