Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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