Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Randomize
