i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
