so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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