Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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