I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
