Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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