She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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