Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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