my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
