i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
