Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
