I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
